Arete (arete) wrote,
Arete
arete

Yom Kippur

I went to services last night. I know I should feel closer to God when I do this, but I don't. Oh, I felt the presence of God, but that was not part of the service but, well during the service, I kinda spaced, still paying slight attention, and did my own conversation with God.

The new rabbi mentioned a concept during his sermon (? not sure the term) that I've been batting around for the last couple of years -- God has several personalities, facets, what you will. God is called different things, meaning different things, at different points in the Tanakh. He is called Elohim in the creation stories, and Adonai in the prayers. And supposedly, the portion of God that is female was with Noah on his ark.

This is a good thing for me. Otherwise I would irrevocably convert to Wicca or some pagan religion that mainly worshipped a Goddess. I get that feeling of talking to the Higher Being only when I refer to her as a her. But with the Jewish idea, I just pray to that specific part, and just add the rituals that make me comfortable. Great thing about 5000 year history, lots of traditions tried and forgotten, that can be renewed.

But am I really still Jewish? I identify myself as a Jew, but sometimes I think its more cultural than anything. Which is not bad, because while services are not my thing, I pray regularly, and I do know how to perform most if not all the service. Gotta love having a Bat Mitzvah and a Confirmation, plus running a service once a year every year... I still love the prayers, just not the service.

The prayers will always have meaning to me--they hold so much depth in those words, and I know English cannot hope to convey what they really hold for me.

I love thee, my Mother, my Friend, my Confidante, my Goddess.
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