Well, it is. There's no getting around that. I'm starting to think, however, that it's as dirty as any of those 'other' four-letter words. Branwen has her own problems, but she doesn't possess in her heart the hope of truly realizing her dreams. Does she have a chance? I heartily believe she can make a difference; she, however, keeps focusing on what she cannot change herself. She focuses so much on the negative that she, while having a chance, doesn't believe she does.
I cannot blame her, for I would be a hypocrite to think otherwise.
Every beat of my heart, I pray that all will be well, that Sydni will be sane - or can be made so - but I... I don't believe it will be so. Duty, responsibility, fear... these will see me through this week, and probably through the rest of my life.
I had felt this had happened before; that this was not Sydni and mine's first lives, first chances to upset the balance that exists in this world. Brothers... that explains quite a bit. Magisters, that too explains a lot. I picked up the sword partially from wanting to prove to my parents that a daughter could equal a son, then I found the joy in being a swordswoman. But magic... Some spells always came easier to me - the more destructive, the better. The burning rain I set upon the snake village was too easy to do, both magically and morally. And the magic I have been learning lately... I learned a spell that - even if I do not kill the creature - deals permanent damage. What happened to clean kills? It may have taken a while, but I had preferred to kill my prey...
What is happening to me?
What is happening to Sydni?
What will happen?