September 4th, 2001

unkind, why, fate

Night and Day's Daughter of Fire

Sometimes I wish I could weep for myself. I haven't been able to since I've been a child. I can cry from physical pain, but emotional or mental pain... the connection to crying was broken long ago.

I want to cry about that, but the tears won't come. Does it say something, that the fabled Queen of Rebirth is not allowed to cry? My greatest enemies can cry, for the loss of their land or their pride, but I cannot even cry for my lost dreams?

Mother Goddess, I know you want me to be strong, but there is only so far I can bend. My dreams can only fill so many nights, my hopes can only guide me through so many heartbreaks. I can only look upon so many faces of despair and not feel it myself.

They did not ask for this to be their lot. I did not ask for this--well, maybe I did, but only to help, not this endless pain I seem to face. You say I shall see the ending of this within my lifetime, and will rebuild. But if the warriors can live five millennia, how long will I live?
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