October 2nd, 2001

unkind, why, fate

Fic Snippet: Dying or Fighting

It hurts so much sometimes, I keep wondering why I don't think about suicide more than just in the abstract. I know, I know, once I did, but I think I trained that impulse out of myself too well, now that it hurts as bad as it once did.

Maybe even worse pain; I don't know anymore. Then I had no friends, and didn't trust my family, but I had a future to look towards, and hope for. Now, I have friends that I trust and call family, but my future is a long road that I must break the path on. And if I don't, then some other girl must face it once again, and she may not be strong enough. I'm the fourth girl, the other three weren't strong enough, who's to say that the next will be any better. And it would be my fault the pain she would face.

Goddess, so much pain...