October 13th, 2001

unkind, why, fate

(no subject)

Where are the lines to be crossed? Many people always state "YOu just crossed the line." What does this really mean?

Sometimes it refers to femininity/masculinity and the actions derived from them. Speak softly, stand tall, sit with legs crossed, doff hat... all culture stuff really.

Or traditionally religious stuff. Don't have sex before marriage, don't marry outside your religion... lots of little things... keep kosher...

Were do I stand on these things. My own perception of self says I am an aggressive girl--but am I butch? I don't go to synagogue all that often, but I pray/talk to Goddess (depends on mood and whom I am with if do it out loud--I like it better that way)--am I religious or just spiritual? I perceive myself as intelligent, above average, but not a genius by any means, but I still receive grades better than many of Honor classmates--how intelligent am I really? And I sometimes dream of loving another woman--am I bi or just appreciating the female form for a moment? (Can't be gay, like nekkid boys way too much) And I like talking to myself--am I slightly crazy? And sometimes I dream of another world, a world I don't really know, but something tells me that I need to go there to fulfill my destiny--is it real, or am I delusional?

I came to college to learn, to experiment, but most especially to grow. But how do you grow properly, when you have so many possible avenues to explore, and all are very interesting. I love math, science, and engineering, but magic, ritual, and martial (as in war, not necessarily Asian) arts call to my blood and soul.

Where do I stand? Not on a precipice of a cliff--not any longer, that was years ago--but in the middle of a forest, crowded with trees, staring at the many paths that lie before me, and I can't see far enough down them because of the very trees. Where do I go? Trust my heart? My soul? My mind? My blood? All call to me differently, and I don't want to sacrifice three for only one. Happiness is not necessarily better nor worse than contentment, or any number of things. Where to go?

Ann-chan no baka!
unkind, why, fate

Welcome to my world

I keep on dreaming
I keep on running
My memories and his
Haunt my dreams

Hurts so much
So much pain
How could he let go
Love given as a gift

I can't turn my back
I will stand where I am
It will hurt
Pain will never end

But welcome to my world
I shall be mistress of it
I shall bow to no one
Welcome to my world

Welcome to my world
Welcome to my nightmares
Welcome to my dreams
This is not his, but mine!
  • Current Music
    Journey - Only The Young
unkind, why, fate

Yay, Fun Poem!

I going keep on fighting
Not going to give in
I going to win
And you'll lose

One more match
One more battle
I'll be on top
And you'll be the bottom

Welcome to the games
I play to win
And I warn you:
Plan to lose!
  • Current Music
    Rick Springfield - I've Done Everything For You