October 25th, 2001

unkind, why, fate

(no subject)

Bring it forth, they said
Let it flow, they said
I can't
I don't destroy
I want to create.
But if I let go...
I will destroy

I hate
I fear
But I can't let it go
But slowly
Slow as molasses
Slow as the mountains
Slow as the oceans
Washing away the shore

For if I let it go
Too quickly
A tidal wave
A mudslide
An avalanche
A forest fire

I am strong
Too strong
To let go
I can't rest
I can't weep

But I won't regret
Nor will I forget
unkind, why, fate

(no subject)

I waited in the shadow of the forest near the school, watching through the windows into the warmth I wish I could join. But it wasn't my place, and would not be for a while. But it was hers, the her that was approaching my hiding place.

"Shalom, sister."

"**Greetings**, sister." Her almond-shaped blue eyes shined into mine, making me forget all the pain. It was worth it, to give her her world back again.
unkind, why, fate

(no subject)

I put my hand to the mirror, activating the spell I have activated a thousand times in my lifetime, and will likely activate a million more. It has saved my sanity more times than I can count, and allowed me to grow in ways I would have to wait years in this world to do, if I even got the chance.

The image slowly formed of an Asian girl, all smiles and laughing eyes; I knew better. In her lay a spirit as old as I, with a mind a match, and a heart as well. We had both felt the pain of a childhood ripped away before we even lived half of it, and when we thought we had the chance to finish it, our trust was betrayed time and again. After all, that's what made us what we are, made us the chosen--or cursed--few who had this power. She just hid her pain behind a mask of happiness, while mine was shrouded in maturity early learned and a serious outlook earned long ago.

"Heya, sis."

"Hello, Chaya."

She smirked. "I still don't get why you don't just call me Jubilee like everyone else. I know Chaya means the same thing..."

"I just always liked the name... and it fits you. Jubilee sounds more like a flower child, or some modern name. You *look* modern, but both of us like the ancient ways better--they make more sense. And Chaya reflects that. 'Sides, it drives you nuts, sis."

"Like anyone else knows what I really like. Monet," she snorted the name, "keeps asking me why I dress in such loud colors--how about a nice forest green."

"That's my style, actually. Be strong though, I think the time-fork is coming soon, I'll be there physically, and supposedly we'll get to meet the previous watchers. Though the last hints I have suggest you have met both of them already."
unkind, why, fate

(no subject)

"Because I'm not you." I closed my eyes and swallowed once, then opened my eyes and mouth once more. "I'm not going to give him up, not for anything, 'cause he is my everything, just as Eric was yours. You let him walk away, hurt from what had gone on. I know, it was both your faults, but you let him walk away. I won't. I'll cling, I'll scream, I'll tie myself to him if it takes that. I've lived my whole life waiting for him to show up, waiting for the arms I could rest in... for the strength to protect me, and the strength to give me something to protect. I won't let him go. Suffering leads to learning, and brother," I smirked the title, "You suffered, and I learned. The tragedy is you learned it yourself too late." A smile settled onto my face, one that matched his normal one; old pain smoothed with a calmness and patience burned into the skin, but still the old pain shone through. "My life is enriched from the memories I have from you, but it does not negate the fact you were an idiot to him. And I have to deal with his memories in EJ. Pain is not easily forgotten."
unkind, why, fate

(no subject)

I mused for a second before responding, "It's not about how good a fighter you are--at least not physically. It's how many hits you can take to your heart and your soul, and get back to fight again. Even if it kills you, you don't turn off your heart, only hide it under many layers of shielding... that type of thing. You'd think we get more kids during wars, but we actually get more during peacetime--abuse is more easily hidden, kids are more easily overlooked... that type of thing." I smiled, my grammar was never that great, and I'm a country girl at heart. Then I frowned in remembrance. "It doesn't even have to be physical. Mine was all mental and emotional; my parents weren't horrible people out to hurt me--they tried their best, but they let me down at a time when I needed them the most." I choked, "I still love them for what they did, but I no longer trust them, and haven't trusted them with anything deep since then." Trying to hide the tears, I smiled, "I'm a sword tempered with pain almost since the beginning, and then conscious learning from other's pain and heartache. I am not the eldest, but I am an Elder.

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Scenes floating thru my mind