November 1st, 2001

unkind, why, fate

Gundam Wing AU

I want my son back.

I want the son who giggles real giggles, and not the ones he cheers his friends up with. They don't see the depth of his pain, but I do. I'm his mother, and I carry similar masks.

I want my nephew Yune back.

I want the boy who smiled and laughed, and pulled on my son's braid just so my son would chase till they were both exhausted. It hurts to see the eternal poker face, with the eyes of pain that rival his mother's and aunts'. All that skill, and no drive of ambition, of want, of need to better than everyone else, just the need to survive, therefore needing to be strong.

**so on, detailing Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre**

I see us, their mothers in them at different times, sometimes making it a very joyous time, but mostly I only see the pain of mothers' sins on innocent sons, who did not deserve to pay for their birth.

I want our dreams of the future back.

I want my family back.
unkind, why, fate

X-men AU

I smile when I think of my brother.

I smile when I think of my Papa.

He laughs when I call him that. So do I. It's always in my voice when I call him Papa, Papa-san, Pape, Tateschi, Tate... he and I laugh at the joy in my voice. There's only three of us who have gladly called by such a name, and my sister has been dead for near forty years.

I cry for her when I hold her Yortzeit.

Papa never comes when I hold it, it hurts him too much. But it hurts worse that the... Others don't even know, nor does he think they would even care. But Brother and I know, and we care. That's enough for him.

I don't smile when I think of... Him. Papa thinks I hate Him, but I don't. I hate what He did to Papa; Papa may say he deserved some of those things, but lovers, even former lovers, shouldn't have to face what Papa did. I don't hate Him, I won't give Him that much from me. All He means is pain to Papa, therefore all He means is possible pain to me. I have enough pain, I am not adding to it.

It doesn't matter. He does not know we exist. In some corner of His mind, He knows the *possibility* of our existence, but Brother and I shall never prove it to Him, unless nothing less than The End Of The World, or Papa's imminent death. And only in the latter case when we reveal our presence to Him at the end of Papa's life, causing him great pain by disappearing forever afterwards. Revenge is best served cold, and I am Queen of the Cold.

I don't smile a lot.