November 26th, 2001

unkind, why, fate

(no subject)

"Running away, for me, was never an option.

"Sometimes, it was physical. I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to in my time of need. That only was once, when I contemplated suicide." I shook my head. "Goddess knows how much that stills scares me. The possibility of my life not existing...

"That brought me to the other instances and their situations." I wiped away the tears starting to form. "I don't give in, ever--NEVER EVER. I can no longer fathom the possibility of giving in. Oh, sure, I can imagine it, and contemplate, but the actual giving in will never happen. I always ALWAYS fight, no matter what. I won't, or can't give in, even when my life, destiny, and fate would be better.

"They say most give in when they have no more hope, nothing more to live for in their lives. I always have something--a dream, a hope, a fantasy of a better life--hiding deep in my mind, heart and soul. The image of a child to hold, a brother to stand back to back with in battle, a father--or even a mother--who could hold me, and let me cry.

"Crying... I haven't cried for myself in years. I can place myself in other people's shoes, and cry for them, but myself... I make up stories... I can't cry for myself." I smirked, "I took out my self-pity circuit. But someone to cry with me... I think I could cry then.

"I think I could cry then. And maybe find the peace that everyone thinks I have."

===========
I'm still not sure if this is me... am I just channeling, or is this what I feel inside? I no longer know. Does it really matter?... Pain happens to everyone, and I have felt more than most, I think, at least earlier in my life. But I still dream.

Are you out there? Do these dreams, these mutterings, these floating in the back of my mind mean something beyond what is on the surface? How long must I wait until I find out? I can't wait forever...
  • Current Music
    Prince Of Egypt - Through Heaven's Eyes
unkind, why, fate

Will We Balance?

I've been watching you
Watching your movements
Graceful, oh so, but undeniably
Masculine
Powerful
Yin and Yang
Will we balance?

I'm aggressive
How about you?
Can you meet me
On the battlefield
In the ballroom
In the our marriage?

Can you match me?
Can we integrate
Multiply our power
Within ourselves
Can you match me
Words to words
Deeds to deeds
Intention to intention
Love to love

Yin and Yang
Will we balance?
  • Current Music
    International Five - First Kiss
unkind, why, fate

Stream of Consciousness

Block.

Feint.

Move with the speed of the wind.

Slide over the floor with the gracefulness and power of a river.

Don't stop, not for a moment; change is the only thing that will save you.

Fight, fight, fight for all that you have left and all that you could possibly gain.

The battle has just begun.

Block.

Feint.

Fight.
  • Current Music
    Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies
unkind, why, fate

Golden Girls Theme

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidante
And if you through a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
Thank you for being a friend

====
I LOVE this song.
  • Current Music
    Golden Girls - Theme