November 27th, 2001

unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found

Death Before Dishonor Nothing Before Coffee

The way to a man's heart is between the fourth and fifth ribs.

So many men, so little reason to sleep with any of them

The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars!

I HAVE seen the truth, and it makes no sense

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more!

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Good with Ketchup.

Those who can, Teach. Those who cannot teach ARE RUNNING THE SCHOOLS!

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it!

She said "Harder!" I did that. She said "Faster!" I did that. She said "Deeper!" I philosophized.
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found II

My kid swindled your honor student at the Ferengi College of Business, where students learn to profit from more than just mistakes.

I'm doing my part to piss off the Religious Reich

First they burn books then they burn people

B.S. (Phys): Why does it work? B.S. (Engr): How does it work? B.A. (Acctg): How much will it cost? B.A. (Arts) You want fries with that?

He's YOUR God. They're YOUR rules. YOU burn in Hell!

Who are you to question why your god doesn't want me to believe in him?

If all the world's a stage, I want better lighting!

No job too easy - No fee too large - Dragons Rescued - Virgins Slain

Only lawyers get to be judges, and that's the (F)LAW!

Inside every small problem is a big one trying to get government funding
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found III

Friends let you hide at their place. Real friends let you hide bodies.

Everything I really needed to know, I learned in sniper school

REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T DOCUMENT If it was hard to write, it should be impossible to understand!

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT - Can't remember why...

Omnipotent Omniscient Omnibenevolent - Pick two.

If we can put a man on the moon, why not all of them?
? * (I don't wanna get rid of them! I wanna play with them! ^_^)

People are more passionately opposed to wearing fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than bikers.

I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.

You'd be like this, too, if they dropped a house on your sister!

Freedom of Religion means ALL Religions
unkind, why, fate

Qoutes I Found IV

We've got ENOUGH Youth, what we NEED is a Fountain of SMART!

Where there's a will, I want to be in it!

Out of mind - Back in 5 minutes

I get plenty of exercise just pushing my luck!

Why suffer from insanity when you can revel in it?

"Normal" is a setting on my washing machine.

Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it.

Leave Earth Now - Ask Me How

ALL MEN ARE ANIMALS! but if you can train them, they make good pets...

In case of Rapture, can I have your car?
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found V

Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music.

Sona si Latine loqueris! [translation: Honk if you speak Latin!]

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? [Latin equivalent of the infamous woodchuck question]

I get along with God just fine. It's his fan clubs that I can't stand.

All around me I see Chaos, Panic and Disorder. At last, my work here is done!


Jesus loves you. I don't. Now, BACK OFF!

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

This space intentionally left blank

I'm not really a bitch. I've just had PMS for 30 years.
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found VI

Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I am a Rocket Scientist!

Entropy was just a concept, until I got a cat!

The fact that no one understands you does NOT make you an Artist!

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be Evil.



Remember when this [Christian fish] wasn't a WARNING LABEL?

Life's a Witch... and then you fly!

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run. Death hates that.

Anarchy - It's not the law, it's just a good idea
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found VII

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed

Sincerity is the key. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

If we do not change out direction we are likely to end up where we are headed

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you frantic

Decadence is it's own reward

Organize for anarchy!

Help! The paranoids are out to get me!
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found VIII

I don't see you, so don't pretend you're there

Tell the truth and run

He who hesitates is last

Moral victories don't count

Smile! The illuminati are watching

Everything is controlled by a small, evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you

Don't steal, the government hates competition.

A smith and Wesson beats four aces

I don't suffer from insanity, I revel in it.
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found IX

The worst thing about censorship is XXXXXXXXXX

Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective

Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research

Age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time

What if this weren't a hypothetical question?

All generalizations are incorrect, including this one

Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate

Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found X

All law is codified revenge

If winning doesn't matter, why keep score?

Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder

Smash the state and have a nice day.

Abandon hope all ye who press enter here

No good deed goes unpunished

Gotta run, my government's collapsing

A friend is someone you call to help you move. A real friend is someone you call to help you move a body

Defeat is worst than death, because you have to live with defeat

Someone you trust is one of us. . .
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found XI

This is a test. This is only a test. Had this been a real emergency, you would all be dead by now.

I don't get even, I get odder.

My inferiority complex is not as big as yours

Let's pretend I'm naive and weirdness abounds.

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found XII

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Did you hear about the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw?

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found XIII

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found XIV

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
unkind, why, fate

Wuotes I Found XV

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found XIX

God grant me the serinity to accept what I can not change, The courage to change those that I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people who piss me off along the way.

Instant Human (Just Add Coffee)

The more I learn about terrorrism the more I understand the phone companies.

The latest studies show three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

Talk is cheep because the supply exceeds the demand.

US Congress
100 Senators
435 Representatives
No clues

In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
unkind, why, fate

Quotes I Found XX

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

Next time you wave, use all your fingers.

The only perfect science is hindsight.

He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.

A procrastinator's work is never done.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.